Old ranch owner John farmed a small ranch in Montana. The Montana Wage
and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his
workers and sent an agent out to interview him.
'I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them,' demanded the agent.
'Well,'
replied old John, 'There's my ranch hand who's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been
here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does
about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays
his own room and board and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday
night.'
'That's the
guy I want to talk to, the half-wit,' says the agent.
'That would be me,' replied old rancher John.
* Farmer's Names
George,
the farmer, had so many children that he ran out of names. So he
started calling his kids after something around his farm.
It was
the first day of school and the teacher asked each child their name.
When he got to one of the farmer George's sons, the boy replied, 'Wagon
Wheel.'
The teacher said, 'I need your real name boy, to which the lad replied, 'It's Wagon Wheel, sir....Really.'
The teacher, rather annoyed rejoined, 'All right young man, take yourself right down to the Principal's office this minute.'
The
youngster pushed himself out of his chair, turned to his sister and
said, 'C'mon, 'Chicken Feed', he ain't gonna believe you, either.'
* Never Felt Better - Classic Farmer Story
In a court in Tralee, deep in County Kerry, Ireland, this conversation is reported
to have taken place:
Lawyer: 'At the scene of the accident, Mr O'Brien, did you tell the Garda officer that you had never felt better in your life?'
O'Brien the farmer: 'That's right, sir.'
Lawyer:
'Well then, Mr O'Brien, how is it that you are now claiming you were
seriously injured when my client's car hit your cart?'
O'Brien
the farmer: 'When the Garda arrived, he went over to my horse, who had a
broken leg, and shot him. Then he went over to Darcy, my dog, who was
badly hurt, and shot him. When he asked me how I felt, I just thought
under the circumstances, it was a wise choice of words to say I've never
felt better in my life